I was recently speaking about a so called “relationship problem” that has a lady.
She is 35 years old and though she claims that she seriously needed to become married with kids at this point, it hasn’t taken place.
This relationship goal of hers is actually her target to get a dozen years, and annually which “happily ever after” life has eluded her she has developed increasingly unhappier with her life.
She complains that all the individual males that she meets turn out to be “losers”.
(Another unhappy relationship structure of hers is definitely angry rage pattern of verbal encounter that she explodes into when her goals are certainly not met in a relationship.)
I tried explaining to her that the more she waits for her life to enhance her mental state, her design of unhappiness grows more and more deeply engrained. This means that she is going to feel increasingly trapped in unhappiness under all the conditions.
She insisted that her unhappiness is an outcome of her not being in a loving relationship and she carried on to blame her anger and melancholy on the men who may have let her down.
This standpoint of hers represents what we are able to call UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness.
I told her, “While you imagine that the despondency of yours will at once raise whether you can simply enjoy a lucky marriage, you would learn very quickly that your sadness and anger returns even if you did meet man of your dreams. Why? Because your negative emotional pattern is habitual.”
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Provided that we make our unhappiness somebody else’s responsibility, or blame it on our life-conditions, we enhance an unhappy attitude which seems more and more inescapable.
Yet another factor at play here has to do with the so called “losers” she is attracting.
As long as we be in a negative emotional state, we truly cannot attract or even search for good, psychologically healthy people to connect with.
We repel emotionally healthy folks on a conscious or perhaps subconscious level, since our attitude problem “radiates” and others “pick up on” the negative mental imbalance we live in.
Do YOU suffer from UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness?
The way out begins as you take responsibility for your emotional reactions and attitudes toward life and toward folks, rather than regarding your circumstances or someone else as accountable for how you feel.
The next task is to examine your attitudes and mental states until you realize specifically how your negativity, not your circumstances, is really all that stands in how between you and happiness.
The 3rd step is to patiently and persistently work on becoming much more mindful of your thoughts and the attitudes of yours, so you can practice being somewhat LESS angry and also free and unhappy yourself from the habit of unhappiness, little by small, everyday.
As a result, you will find the life of yours to be more appealing only the way that it’s, you’ll bring in “better” men and women into your life, and you will be emotionally stable and resilient if you do discover a real “winner” of a mate for a healthier, happier marriage.